Sunday, May 9, 2010

I only had my mom for twelve years, but I still miss her. I often wonder what kind of person I would have been if she had lived. I often have self-doubts and I really wish I had her here to talk to. I tend to listen to the feedback of others and usually it only comes in the form of criticism. When a person receives enough constant and consistent criticism, she finds herself letting others define her. They may be right, they may be wrong, but I get really tired of hearing that I'm either loud and embarrassing or that I mumble, or that I'm old and forgetful, or that I'm fat and clumsy, or that I'm not a good driver. I could take the criticism if it came with an equal dose of praise, but it usually doesn't. I've reached a couple of important goals (to me) in my life and they kind of happened without anyone making any kind of fuss. Mothers love you unconditionally and will try and build you up. I really need that right now. I didn't mean for this to turn into a pity party, but that's where I am today. I will probably delete it later as I'm sure the day will get better. Sorry. I miss you Mama.

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Word of the day:
Sixth Sunday of Easter
Today the Church celebrates : St. Pachomius
Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint John 14:23-29.

Jesus answered and said to him, "Whoever loves me will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our dwelling with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words; yet the word you hear is not mine but that of the Father who sent me. I have told you this while I am with you. The Advocate, the holy Spirit that the Father will send in my name--he will teach you everything and remind you of all that (I) told you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid. You heard me tell you, 'I am going away and I will come back to you.' If you loved me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Father; for the Father is greater than I. And now I have told you this before it happens, so that when it happens you may believe.